It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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