end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
