I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
