I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
