They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
