happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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