The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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