Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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