The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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