His pubic hair was longer than his dick
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
