I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
