quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
