you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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