Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize