Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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