Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
