If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
