would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
