I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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