Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
