I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
