yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
