after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
