Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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