how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
