I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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