Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
