There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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