Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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