I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
