quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
