There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
