i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
