Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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