i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
