i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
