I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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