Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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