Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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