Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
