What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
