we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
