He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
