everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize