the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize