I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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