woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
