You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
