so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
