I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
