Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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