Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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