Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
