sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
