if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
