I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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