My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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