i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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