Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
