how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
