Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
