I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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