Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
