OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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