NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
