I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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