so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
