she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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