Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
