There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
