Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
