you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
