after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
