fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
