your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
