That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
