Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
