I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
