I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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