In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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