you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
