We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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