How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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