Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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