i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
