I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
