glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
