I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize